Tuesday 24 February 2015

Bike Writing


I have used show not tell in my first paragraph. I want the reader to feel how excited I felt when they read this. Can you tell me if this is what you feel?

There's the swimming pool...and the running track! The day has come at last. Dad parked the the car and we got it out.  What happens if I crash?  I could get hurt!  We walked through the gate and I got on.  It was a little bit hard to get on but dad helped me.  I held on the handle bars and dad held on the back.  He pushed me slowly at first.  I was riding a bike!

I'd love to hear what you think what I did well/what could I do better.
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3 comments:

  1. Unknown24 February 2015 at 22:47

    I think you have done a very good job of writing in a way where your readers can feel your excitement. I can still remember learning to ride my bike. Do you still enjoy riding your bike? Where do you go to ride?

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous25 February 2015 at 13:44

      I still have a bike but I don't ride a lot any more. Sometimes my brothers will come with me in the yard and we will practice biking/bike tricks. Do you still ride your bike?

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  2. Anonymous16 March 2015 at 14:51

    Hi Mercy
    Your writing is great, Mercy!
    I can also still remember the day I learnt how to ride my bike.

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